Every heartbeat

Writing more than one blog a day is becoming a regular occurance, today is not going to be one of those days. Mostly because we've lost the internet at work and right now i'm just being cheeky.

The end of my Holy Moly favourites.


T - Z


The Picture Woman - "Josh, Dads found yer scootah", "Shush I'm talking to Pickcha", "We'd like to borra £25,000" (puts hand over phone and mouths £25,000 to her pathetic submissive cunt of a husband, who puts one hand over his mouth and holds the other in a "I'm sorry" gesture, the fucking shithouse) "How much is that? Reallly?! Thats a lot less than we're paying now!! Borrow £25,000 and only pay back £42,000+ Obviously a valued customer of 'Provident' if she thinks thats a good deal. Ever thought of getting a job, instead of moping around the house, drinking tea all day and squandering poor Josh's rapidly depleting inheritance you lazy Geordie bint. And its on every fucking commercial break on every fucking channel every fucking day.



The bloke who hands out free newspapers - Fair enough, your job is handing out free London newspapers - London fucking Lite or whatever it's called - but if I move to the far side of the pavement when I''m approaching you, does that not indicate I don''t want a paper? Apparently not, because then you insist on stepping across the pavement to thrust one in my face whilst shouting "FREE LONDON NEWSPAPER?" I can see what it is and no, I don't want one.



The Neverending Story - It does end! After 94 minutes. Which is just as well because it's shit.

Umbrellas - Why do some twats insist on having an umbrella up when its clearly not raining anymore? Put it down you dry oafs - the rain's fucking stopped.

Virgin TV - For changing the simple pleasure of browsing through your favourite channels and forcing us to skim through all the shite channels that come with the packages, for making me press enter to view a channel instead of being able to skim through like I used to, for being just as unreliable as NTL and for taking away Sky One, Sky News, and Sky Sports News because Branson is a tight fisted bastard.

Vegetarians - I'm a vegetarian, except for chicken and fish. No you're not, you idiot, you're just picky. I'm straight edge, except for alcohol...idiot.

Weather Mongers - "This is the worst weather in 60 years/the most rain since 1842/the hottest month since 1912" So presumably it has HAPPENED BEFORE without bringing an end to the entire fucking world. Stop fucking panicking, it's only the weather: you can't stop it or change it and it ain't really that bad.

Wine snobs - Yes you - you know it all tastes the same out of a pint glass.

X, Y AND Z did not exist although i'm sure I could think of some.