Rest in Peace.

What a week. Warning in advance this is going to be a really depressingly shit blog entry.

Last Sunday Jay's Grandad chocked on a piece of food at the care home he was in, only to black out which bought on a heart attack. He pretty much never woke up and died on Wednesday morning. Such a lovely man, it really saddens me that the last time I saw him was Christmas Day. I take comfort that he's now with his late wife Jean who was a very influential person on Jay's life though I missed her by about a month. She passed away a few weeks before I met Jay. It makes me happy to think of them together :)

After that tragedy it really made me think about my Nan, i'd been sort of putting off seeing her in the hospital because it's really depressing and she hardly makes any sense anymore it's almost as if my actual Nan drifted away a while back and all that's left is a mere shell of a lady. It really upset me every time I saw her. Friday after work I thought I would go up because my Dad has been going almost everyday and I thought sooner or later it will be too late and I won't have seen her for weeks. I visited about 6:15pm and she was actually quite chipper, I mean she's lost about 4 stone in weight since she got ill and she looks friggin' awful but she managed to actually speak to me and she gave me a kiss bless her. I asked her if she was cold and she said "It is a bit cold" so I popped her dressing gown over her to keep her a little warmed. We said "We're off now Ruby" She says "Yeah, alright". Really was awful leaving her in her room knowing all she was doing was laying there staring at the wall, nothing to do, nothing to see, just nothing. Except laying. this was my Nan, my nan who would make me cheese and brown sauce sandwiches when I was young even if i'd already had 5. Now she couldn't do anything for herself. I stayed at Jay's Friday night after I headed out to celebrate Bridie's birthday. Woke up Saturday morning to a few missed called and a text from my Mum to Jay asking me to call my Mum ASAP. I just knew what it was. Nan passed away in her sleep at around 6am on February 4th 2012. Seeing my Dad cry is the single worst thing to see, and to see it more than once over the past 24 hours really breaks my heart.

Not to mention being royally pissed of at Jay this evening - hasn't helped. Either we're a couple or we're not, either i'm his family or i'm not. I am not interested in being left to one side every now and again.

Nan, I miss you so much already, Uncle Len & Uncle Bill must be showing you the ropes up there by now :) Sleep tight. x